Tag: Matthew 18

“If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” Matthew 18:17 (ESV)

So when you have tried one on one to no avail. When you have taken two or three with you to verify and tried again to come together and the conflict remains. Jesus then says to a) tell it to the church and b) treat the offender as a lost person in need of salvation. 

He says to “tell it to the church” and by church he means the ecclesia – the “called out” ones, the local group of Jesus followers. Now, I admit, I wish a couple of things here. I wish Jesus told us in a little more detail exactly how this is supposed to work. I mean do you get the town crier out to say “Hear ye, Hear ye?” I’m not so sure, but I do think he gives each local ecclesia, or church, the freedom to handle this step as they see fit. 

The main idea, however, is not to just make this situation public. If the situation was severe enough that it was not resolved by steps one or two, in all likelihood the situation was already public. The idea is to turn the situation over. To give the conflict, the situation, the person over to God and pray for their salvation-but don’t live in fear or slavery to resolving a conflict with someone that doesn’t want to resolve it!

Jesus commands his followers to treat the unrepentant person like a tax collector or Gentile. While this means a necessary separation from full participation in community life, it does not necessarily mean shunning. Jesus didn’t shun tax collectors and Gentiles, he came to seek and save them/us. It means that even after repeated attempts at reconciliation that have been rebuffed, we should always leave the door open for restoration. We are to treat the offending party just as Christ has treated us, as a sinner in need of a Savior. 

Questions To Ponder:

Is there any bitterness toward someone that I’m harboring in my heart and life right now that I need to ask forgiveness, even if I might have justification for my feelings?

What unresolved conflict do I need to surrender to God and let Him handle?

“But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.” Matthew 18:16 (ESV)

Jesus begins his instruction on how to resolve conflict by keeping the circle as tight as possible. He understands, however, that someones when one cannot resolve conflict one-on-one, its time to seek outside help or counsel. He gives a second step to take along one or two with you. This principle was established in Deuteronomy 19:15 as a bedrock for establishing official legal testimony in the nation of Israel. Sometimes our own emotions, pride, or insecurities can feed into the conflict and make it harder to resolve. Sometimes we might have misinterpreted the situation and we need someone or some others outside of the situation who can freely speak into the situation and help a healthy resolution take place. I’ve called this step “Trust but Verify. ” This Russian proverb was made famous by President Ronald Reagan who used it in the context of his negotiations with the Soviet Union over nuclear disarmament during the 1980’s. For our purposes in seeking to resolve conflict with this step by taking along two or three others we can verify the source and on-going nature of the conflict and identify steps on how it might be resolved.

In a marriage relationship with a lot of conflict this may involve inviting a trusted Godly couple alongside, pastoral counsel, or an experienced marriage and family counselor. At work this may mean bringing in your supervisor, team leader, or hr facilitator to bring resolution to the conflict. Again, the purpose isn’t to create further division, but to bring reconciliation and restoration.

Questions to Ponder:

Is there a situation that I have already tried resolving one-on-one that I should consider seeking help to come alongside?

How can I work to resolve conflict in my own family, workplace, or community?

This week I’ve been studying the teaching of Jesus and one message in particular where he deals with conflict. Particularly conflict within the community of His followers. This message is found in Matthew 18:15-17. To set the stage for this topic I asked myself the question, why do we face conflict in this life?

1. We live in an imperfect world.

In the perfect world milkshakes would have little or no calories. In the perfect world my car would never break down on the interstate. In the perfect world Disney would not need a “FastPass” system. Even in the most optimistic person would have to agree that this world is not the way it should or ought to be. On a more serious note, violence, injustice, and suffering all point out that the world we live in is not perfect. Try as we might to insulate ourselves from all forms of suffering or harm by very nature of the world we are not able to live 100% free from conflict.

2. We are imperfect people

Unlike the life that many like to portray on social media, just like the filters that smooth out wrinkles and the effects of age, we are an imperfect people. In fact, wherever you find people you will find problems. Anyone who tells you they are perfect is lying and has just proven the point!

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:8 (ESV)

3. We have sinister adversary

Jesus also mentioned that “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10 ESV). Sometimes we vilify other people who may bring conflict into our lives. The truth is, “people” are not our problem. There is a spiritual enemy working behind the scenes who would seek to bring conflict, disillusionment, discord, and strife to our homes, lives, and communities.

Just a few questions for thought:

Am I bringing and fostering peace in my home, work, or community, or am I a source of conflict?

How can I work against the attitudes and actions that cause conflict in my sphere(s) of influence?