“If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” Matthew 18:17 (ESV)
So when you have tried one on one to no avail. When you have taken two or three with you to verify and tried again to come together and the conflict remains. Jesus then says to a) tell it to the church and b) treat the offender as a lost person in need of salvation.
He says to “tell it to the church” and by church he means the ecclesia – the “called out” ones, the local group of Jesus followers. Now, I admit, I wish a couple of things here. I wish Jesus told us in a little more detail exactly how this is supposed to work. I mean do you get the town crier out to say “Hear ye, Hear ye?” I’m not so sure, but I do think he gives each local ecclesia, or church, the freedom to handle this step as they see fit.
The main idea, however, is not to just make this situation public. If the situation was severe enough that it was not resolved by steps one or two, in all likelihood the situation was already public. The idea is to turn the situation over. To give the conflict, the situation, the person over to God and pray for their salvation-but don’t live in fear or slavery to resolving a conflict with someone that doesn’t want to resolve it!
Jesus commands his followers to treat the unrepentant person like a tax collector or Gentile. While this means a necessary separation from full participation in community life, it does not necessarily mean shunning. Jesus didn’t shun tax collectors and Gentiles, he came to seek and save them/us. It means that even after repeated attempts at reconciliation that have been rebuffed, we should always leave the door open for restoration. We are to treat the offending party just as Christ has treated us, as a sinner in need of a Savior.
Questions To Ponder:
Is there any bitterness toward someone that I’m harboring in my heart and life right now that I need to ask forgiveness, even if I might have justification for my feelings?
What unresolved conflict do I need to surrender to God and let Him handle?