“But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.” Matthew 18:16 (ESV)
Jesus begins his instruction on how to resolve conflict by keeping the circle as tight as possible. He understands, however, that someones when one cannot resolve conflict one-on-one, its time to seek outside help or counsel. He gives a second step to take along one or two with you. This principle was established in Deuteronomy 19:15 as a bedrock for establishing official legal testimony in the nation of Israel. Sometimes our own emotions, pride, or insecurities can feed into the conflict and make it harder to resolve. Sometimes we might have misinterpreted the situation and we need someone or some others outside of the situation who can freely speak into the situation and help a healthy resolution take place. I’ve called this step “Trust but Verify. ” This Russian proverb was made famous by President Ronald Reagan who used it in the context of his negotiations with the Soviet Union over nuclear disarmament during the 1980’s. For our purposes in seeking to resolve conflict with this step by taking along two or three others we can verify the source and on-going nature of the conflict and identify steps on how it might be resolved.
In a marriage relationship with a lot of conflict this may involve inviting a trusted Godly couple alongside, pastoral counsel, or an experienced marriage and family counselor. At work this may mean bringing in your supervisor, team leader, or hr facilitator to bring resolution to the conflict. Again, the purpose isn’t to create further division, but to bring reconciliation and restoration.
Questions to Ponder:
Is there a situation that I have already tried resolving one-on-one that I should consider seeking help to come alongside?
How can I work to resolve conflict in my own family, workplace, or community?